Truth: It happens. It may happen early, it may happen late, but it will happen. At some point in your homeschooling career you will want to give up. That's okay. It's not about the feeling of giving up, it's about the action of continuing on.
As you know, we had a very tough year last year. But I was ready to put that behind us and press on - or I thought I was. Until a few weeks ago when Tony and Billy went to visit their mom. Then Fox went to housesit and dogsit for his grandparents. And my husband went on a business trip.
That left me alone in the house with our 4 year old, Bram.
And oh the time I had! Hours. HOURS everyday to do what needed to be done plus time left to do what I wanted. It was amazing. The house was clean. The laundry was clean AND put away. I could leisurly cuddle with my littlest. And I was able to get a ton of behind the scenes work done for The 2:1 Conference.
Then a selfish voice began to creep into the back of my skull...
Do you have any idea how much you could accomplish if they were in public school?? The house would stay clean! You wouldn't have as many dishes to do! The big boys woudn't pester the little one and vice versa! You would have time to build a bloggy empire! Mwahahaha! Why not put them in public school?
And I admit, I was severly tempted.
I knew God had put homeschool on my heart because it's the path He wants me to follow. But it's hard, it can be so hard - and this alternative looked so easy. I went to my husband with watery eyes and pled my case...
..this house could run so much smoother if I didn't have 6 hours of my day consumed with homeschool and activities.
...I could do "real preschool" with Bram, not the hit or miss lessons he's been getting as of late.
...I could really get all the bloggy endeavors moving.
...and he didn't buy it. Thankfully, I have a strong, determined husband - who has more faith in me than I ever will. When we started down this homeschool path 11 years ago we meant to see it through to the end. He lovingly pointed out that of all the 'reasons' I gave to quit, none of them were about the boys or God. They were all selfish reasons, decisions made out of frustration or fear.
Are the boys unhappy? No.
Are they struggling academically? No
Are we discipling them, not just teaching them? Yes
Will they get that discipleship in our local public schools? No.
So why would we quit?
Sometimes God calls us to do things that aren't easy, sometimes they're downright tough. When I step away from the day-to-day frustrations and personal wants, I can see this journey is blessing me as much as the children. It's not easy but it is a blessing. I just need to keep my eyes on the goal and enjoy the journey.
Funny, and completely relate-able. It's so wonderful to hear successful homeschooling moms admit to feeling the same things I do. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI hear you.
ReplyDeleteI HEAR YOU.
xx
You are singing my song today, Sister! It would be so easy for me to go to the school district office today and sign 'em up! But... I won't, just like you won't.
ReplyDeleteThank you Love!
ReplyDeleteKelly K!
and you would have to get up early and shower and wear real clothes ALL day ;)
ReplyDeleteKeep your eyes on the prize!! That's what keeps us going too!
ReplyDeleteWow! I thought I was the only one..... Every once in a while, when I hear my mom friends talking about all that they get done, I have heard that little voice in the back of my head saying - "don't you want to have a clean house? Don't you want to have gourmet dinners?" And, then I look at how happy my kids are, and I remember what it's all for - there is plenty of time for a clean house later :-)
ReplyDeleteRecent Post: Learn from My Mistakes
Can't say I've truly been *tempted* yet, but I have had the thought that "Gosh, I could get so much done if the kids were gone all day." It's amazing how much we do for these people, huh? But I love it. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI hear all my public school mom friends complain about how early they have to get up and the long and frustrating car lines they have to sit in and I think "I am so HAPPY I can start school on MY time and not waste precious hours in a long car line every. single. day."! But yes, it would be nice to have a clean house from time to time. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a verse in Proverbs that says "The stall is clean where no oxen are, but much increase comes from the strength of the ox." Your house might be clean and your preschooler know his ABC's sooner, but your kids and our society won't increase as it should--in the fear and joy of the Lord--if you have an empty stall! You are doing the right thing, my dear. You will have plenty of time to clean when they are grown--better yet, teach them to clean, and pay them for it!
ReplyDeleteJust this morning my facebook feed was loaded up with some of my SAHM friends talking about meeting for lunch at Panera bread while their kids were in school. I felt left out. Sometimes homeschool isolates me. I'm a freelance writer and boy oh boy I could whip out some copy if they were all away at school.
ReplyDeleteBut then I remember that God has called me, us, our family to this lifestyle...and there will be plenty of times for "lunch" with friends later on in life.
I'm building up eternal rewards here. Important stuff. Much more important than some quiet mom time or freelancing time.
Don't we all feel that way sometimes? If not at least you and I do. We're never alone in contemplating such things, are we? I've started using the alarm and schedule on my Android to keep me on task. I would flop without it.
ReplyDeletebeautiful post! as I was posing about my week on my blog this week, my heart was torn... I was tired and wondered how I will keep up as my belly grows bigger and bigger, but looking at the photos.... the smiles, their love for learning and knowing their days start in the Word.... those feeling just melt, don't they???
ReplyDeleteThank you, Thank you , Thank you for being so very honest. This was such a brilliant post! I have struggled with burnout the past few months, and although feeling more positivve now, I certainly can relate to the thoughts you have shared! May God continue to bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
Shirley Ann
What an incredible post. I am in my 13th year of homeschooling this year and have been feeling very weary. Fortunately, at the very beginning, when I was still completely fresh and couldn't ever imagine entertaining a school-y thought, I promised myself and God that I would never send any children to school because I gave up. If He called me to place a child or children in school, I would obey, but I would not do so because I thought I 'failed'. That has kept me going on many days when it is really hard. It sounds like you have a similar commitment. Way to go! :)
ReplyDeleteI have been tempted nearly every year we've homeschooled, but the problems we have had wouldn't be resolved by putting the girls in a school outside the house. In fact, with the negative social influences that girls are susceptible to, I'm pretty sure we'd have more problems. But it sure would be nice to spend more time with my youngest and have a clean house... It's just the season I'm in that's hard. I'm trying to enjoy it and not rush my girls growing up too fast, though. Thank you for putting to words in print what so many homeschoolers don't dare admit.
ReplyDeleteYou are so very welcome. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. It's so nice to know I'm not alone in this.
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