When You've Been Hurt By The Church, Part 1

This is Part One of a two part series. Come back Friday to see the conclusion , including what I've learned from this experience!

I've mentioned in the past that I have a love/hate relationship with organized religion. A big, ol' heart-of-God church can be such a blessing; but when you've been hurt by the church, it can take a long time to heal.

I personally feel that you don't need a church to be Christian or to learn the word of the Lord. God loves you just as much sitting at your kitchen table as he does when you're sitting in a pew. You can study the Bible independently and learn the way to walk.

But, it helps immensely to surround yourself with like-minded people, knowledgeable people and support. You want to be around those who will encourage your walk and fuel your desire to learn. A loving, supporting church body can be a beautiful thing. And I encourage you to seek one out.

I say all this so you know I'm not here to bash the church. I have found a wonderful church I adore. I simply want to share my story because I was once hurt by the church.

I wasn't hurt badly. I know that there are those out there who have had horrid things happen to them in church, a place that should be safe. But I had an experience that shook my confidence in "the body of Christ". One that made me question where I fit and if anyone is ever who they seem to be, who I perceive them to be. I was left wondering if "the church" could ever really be there for those in need.

I was a teenage mother. An unwed teenage mother. I was 16 when my now husband and I found out I was pregnant with our first son, Fox and 17 when we had him. I was overwhelmed, confused and unsure how to take on such a huge responsibility.

But I knew two things: I was keeping the baby, and I was going to get right with God.

You see, I was a "good girl". I didn't curse or do drugs or sleep around. I went to high school, worked part time and went to church regularly with my family-twice a week to be exact. I was active in the youth group and even attended Christian camps.

But still, I found myself pregnant at 16. For the most part, I was incredibly blessed. I had a man willing to stand beside me and a family that, while disappointed, loved me. Overall the church was quite supportive, my mother's church friends especially and the youth leaders rallied around me. I will be forever grateful for their support.

Ironically, when I was hurt by the church, I wasn't in the church. I was in my home. On the phone.

I grew up Southern Baptist where baptism is saved for when an individual is old enough to give their heart to the Lord of their own volition. Instead of christenings, they did baby dedications in my church. This was simply a special part of the church service where parents bring their children to the front, take an oath to raise the child according to God's instructions (thus admitting that the children are not ours but God's) and a prayer of blessing is said over the children.

I discussed this with Shane and signed us up for the dedication. A few days later I received a call from the pastor that (though I don't remember it word for word) went like this:

Pastor: I see you've signed up for the baby dedication.

Me: Yes, I did. (very excited waiting for my pat on the back for coming back to God)

Pastor: And will Shane be attending?

Me: Yes, he will. (waiting for a double pat on the back now)

Pastor: Well I'm afraid that won't be possible.

Me: (Silence and confusion)

Pastor: Since you two aren't married I don't think that will be appropriate, not the message we want to send.

Me: Oh. (Crushed, hoping I don't cry)

Pastor: You can attend with Fox but not you and Shane together.

Me: Oh...well...

Pastor: I hope you understand, I don't want you to feel bad.

Me: Sure, I don't want you to feel bad either. (I had a problem with people pleasing back then)

Pastor: (Silence)

Me: For having to make that decision, that is...

Pastor: (More Silence)

Me: (Feeling a white rage now that he doesn't feel bad) If the father can't be there too then I won't be participating.

Pastor: Okay.

Me: (Furious and sad all at once) Thanks for calling, bye.

Come back Friday for the conclusion.

It's the Little Things...

Every time I make the drive down to my mom's house I pass a little marquee sign, sitting along side the highway, on the side of a field. It always has thought provoking, biblically inspired quotes. I always enjoy passing this sign and seeing what it has to say. It makes me smile. Most recently it said:

Get Right

Or

Get Left

The Illusion of Commercial Beauty

I wasn't going to post anything this weekend, but a friend posted a link to an incredible video in her Facebook page, and I felt I HAD to share. In this country, where Photoshop-perfected beauties are plastered on the cover of most magazines, we've come to accept a lie. Have you seen the Dove Evolution Video?

This is an amazing video which showcases the blur between reality and fiction in media.

Please, please watch this video. Watch it with your children, GIRLS AND BOYS, and discuss true beauty.

"Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:4

Weekly Wrap Up : The "We're Finally Getting Really Excited About School" Edition

I'm finally starting to pull this school year together. Because of our possible move, we're starting the 'official' year late - September 27th to be exact. So while many homeschools are starting up, I'm just now ordering the last of our curriculum and building a schedule.

It's been nice to have the extended summer, but I feel like I'm behind before I start. However, we're planning to start schooling year round, so I think that will help to alleviate some of the stress.

Last Saturday I spent some time ordering curriculum (though I still haven't decided what Bible material to use) and organizational materials. I downloaded Homeshool Tracker Plus; I cannot wait to get in there and start mapping out a weekly schedule!

The highlight of the week was Thursday, when the boys' Daily Grams, and Tony's Teaching Texbooks Pre-Algebra came in the mail. I was pleasantly surprised to see the boys seem interested, excited even!

Other than that it was a pretty standard week with chores, appointments and down time. How about you, how was your week? Share and link-up at the Weekly Wrap-Up at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers.

Homeschool Links to Check Out

Today my monthly link list is up at THE HOMESCHOOL CLASSROOM. Stop by and check it out! There are recipes, math freebies, money saving tips, funnies and great advice - most from fellow homeschoolers!

Fruitful Thursdays : Love Week 4

Welcome back to Fruitful Thursdays, Love Week4. Being that this is the last Thursday in August, this will be the last week I focus on love. Next Thursday begins September, when I'll move on to JOY!

I'm really looking forward to next month, I could use a heaping helping of joy. But mainly, I'm looking forward to it because over the course of August, as I've explored what love is, experienced love and striven to show my family more love, I've realized...

Finding the love is about finding and celebrating the joy.

1 Peter 1:8-9 Though you have not seen him, you LOVE him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious JOY, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

If I've realized anything over the course of this month, it's that God does not want us to feel alone. He wants us know we are loved, to feel love and show love. He does not want us to wallow in despair. We should rejoice in Him and with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Ideas for Volunteering

This week's link up theme at HSV is Community Outreach. I have touched on this subject before, but since reading the wonderful comments on that post and the ideas on Wednesday's panel, I have a better idea of how I'd like to reach out.

I plan to schedule at least one outreach project a month the entire school year. There will be a few things only the big boys can participate in, but overall I hope to do things as a family. Here are my ideas so far:

-collecting canned goods for the local food pantry

-writing letters to wounded, disabled and recovering soldiers

-packing emergency aid boxes at our local GAiN distribution facility

-volunteering at Meal on Wheels

-make toiletry bags for kids in our local foster care system

-offer to babysit for widows

That's our start. I'm excited to see what change this brings about in the boys and what other service opportunities will open up from our involvement!

Be sure to stop by this evening for the fourth edition of Fruitful Thursdays!

I'm Building Cathedrals

Yesterday, Kris at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers, had a great post sharing her Top 10 Ways to Handle a Bad School Day. I loved her suggestions and thought I would share my favorite bad day pick-me-up.

Are you familiar with Nicole Johnson? I love her spirit. She is one of the women I always look forward to seeing at Women of Faith conferences. Her skit, The Invisible Woman, is one of my all time favorites.

It touches me on such a profound level. This skit is my secret strength-in-a-bottle. I pull it out and watch it when I've had "one of those days". You know the ones, where you feel like you're not being seen, when you feel like you're not being heard, when you feel like-saying "If I have to go over this math concept one more time-dear Lord why doesn't he get it!?"-you're going to scream.

Please take a few few minutes to watch it and be uplifted. Know that what you're doing counts. The trial is worth the reward. You are building cathedrals. God sees.

Childbirth With a Birthing Bar

photo from University of Minnesota

According to my stats, I get many visitors each month searching for information on birthing bars. I assume they end up here because I mentioned using one in Bram's birth story. Since there are so many people interested in this, I thought I would share in a bit more detail.

A birthing bar (in my experience) is basically bar in the shape of an upside down 'U'. The ends attach to the sides of the bed and bottom of the U is suspended over the bed. When you are ready to deliver you grab hold of the bar and deliver the baby while in a squatting position.

My experience was not as enjoyable as it could have been due to the fact that my midwife continually had me hold onto the bar in an uncomfortable position. I was very comfortable holding the bar like the lady in the photo above. Squatting upright with the bar under my upper arms offered wonderful body support while relieving a lot of back pain and bearing down pressure. I HIGHLY recommend this position!

I however, was told to hold the bar with my hands, arms extended straight out with my body in a reclined position. For me this was extremely uncomfortable due to the fact that I was supporting my full pregnancy weight with exhausted arms. This did not work well for me.

But what worked for me may not work for you, and vice versa. The key is to make sure you have a doctor or midwife who will work with you to achieve as close to your desired delivery as possible. If we ever have any more children I would love to use a birthing bar again, my way. I think it is a wonderful birthing aid that, with gravity, helps to move the baby down and out more easily.

Sharing the Love

Wow, what a busy weekend I've had. I had grand plans of posting Friday and Saturday but that didn't happen. Have you ever had one of those weekends where you think you're on top of everything them you suddenly realize you're behind on most things? That was me. Plus I got the lovely 24 hour intestinal virus that has been working through the kids. Yeah. Good times. But I didn't want to let one more day pass without sharing these great sites with you!

My Favorite Homeschool Communities:

The Homeschool Classroom : This site has an amazing group of experienced homeschool moms who bring you wonderful advice on any homeschool topic imaginable Monday through Thursday. Every Friday they offer link lists that highlight other homeschooling blogs - it's a great way to find fellow homeschoolers!

The Homeschool Village : This is a relatively new homeschool community. Every week it has a different theme that will appeal to homeschoolers. On Wednesdays a panel of homeschooling moms share their expertise and Thursdays there is a theme-related link-up. There are also fantastic guest posts to enjoy.

*Yes, I write for both these sites. I don't love them because I write for them, I write for them because I love them.

My Favorite Food & Home Sites:

Feels Like Home - Have you met Tara yet? If not, you're missing out! She shares great household tips, fabulous recipes, family fun and product reviews. Have you seen her post about watermelon jam? Yum! She also shares mega link lists under "Things to Write Home About".

Home-Ec 101 - I had the pleasure of meeting Heather at Blissdom in February, she was a delight and so is her site. It is practically an encyclopedia of all things homemaking (and fixing). She has a weekly chore schedule (which I follow and love!) plus recipes and how-to's.

Favorite New Read:

Given Much - I try to visit everyone who comments on my blog. Chantelle commented, I clicked over to her blog and I. Fell. In. Love. I want her family. She is the mom of 5 internationally adopted children, a beautiful little melting pot, and takes amazing photos. Their life is not without challenges, but I adore her outlook, she says: "I'm married to a brilliant man, w/ 5 internationally adopted kidlets. We've got issues ranging from ADD to HIV, but that's AOK cause we've got G-O-D."

Great Books!

The theme this week at The Homeschool Village is BOOKS! If we homeschoolers love anything, it's books right? Ask me what my favorite book is and I'll give you a list of about 100. And it's not just reading them, it's holding them, lining them on my bookshelf and the smell of the musty pages. Two of my favorite big people books are The Horse Whisperer and Cleopatra (I'll link when I find the correct one), but since this is a homeschool link up, let's chat kid's books.

THE STRONGBOW SAGA by Judson Roberts. My eldest read this series when he was about 12. He devoured these books, I've not seen him read anything with quite as much gusto before or since. This is a 3 book series, and we've been patiently waiting and hoping for a book 4. What's doubly cool about this series is the author has a site with lots of historical information so you can use this for school. Plus, the author is available for questions-I emailed him several times and always received timely responses.

THERE ARE ROCKS IN MY SOCKS by Mordicai Gerstein. This was my favorite book as a child. One of my brother's too, we used to fight over whose book it actually was. I won that argument when I took it with me upon moving out as an adult -tee hee. (Don't tell him I have it!!) A fox helps get a poor ox into unfortunate, uncomfortable situations, but gets it back in the end. It is pure rhyming fun and the illustrations are just dear. It really brings a child's imagination alive and helps foster a love of words.

ONCE UPON A TWICE by Denise Doyen Speaking of a love of words, have you seen this book yet? Brilliant!! If you love poetry, this will knock your socks off. It's fun and whimsical and I can't say enough about it. If you are looking for something new and interesting for recitation, look into this. They don't know it yet, but my big boys will be memorizing and reciting this for some at home public speaking practice this year. I will expect each of them to put their own spin on a presentation. I can hardly wait.

Fruitful Thursdays : Love Week 3

It's Thursday, time for the fruits of the spirit! It's August, so I'm talking about love. In week one I explored what love is, in week two I witnessed God's love first hand and am incredibly grateful!

Since I know how great it feels to be the recipient of love-real love with no strings attached-I've been praying on how I can better demonstrate my love to my family. Because, honestly, I haven't been doing a very good job of it lately.

I've been caught up in my own "When are you going to answer me?" drama that I let the love slide. I put myself, my needs and wants on a pedestal, and it should be the other way around.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

I have found that when I concentrate on my own wants, I get sucked into a downward spiral of disappointment and desperation because "it" is never enough. But when I walk with a servant's heart, I am blessed beyond measure, my heart is peaceful and my mind is calm.

So I've wondered. What can I do to bless my family? How can I focus on Him rather than me?

There are little everyday things I do for my kids, like hugs, saying I love you, listening when they talk and saying thank you when they help out.

And for my husband, quick chats on the phone, setting his clothes out for him the night before, making sure he has coffee in the morning and thanking him for working so hard for our family.

But I want to kick it up a notch and be that loving wife and mother I dream of being. I need some suggestions. How do you bless your family, how do you show them God's love?

Mud Fight!!

It's the little things that make the most lasting memories...

Linked To More Wordless Wednesday At:

5 Minutes for Mom

Angry Julie Monday

The HUB

God Spoke : Road Closed

*I realize this is a much longer post than usual, but please hear me out. My God is an awesome God and he has wowed me lately.

As I alluded to in Fruitful Thursday, I've been struggling. I've been praying for what feels like a long time for some answers, for direction.

And I do believe I received my answer.

You see, my husband was offered an opportunity to work in Libya for about a year and a half. This would mean an international move for our entire family. We discussed it, prayed about it and decided yes, this was an adventure we would like to experience.

When this opportunity was presented to us we were told we had to make our decision and be ready to move in 60 days. That was 4 months ago. Since then there have been a few bumps in the road. Different scenarios have been presented; going to Libya, staying here and Hubby traveling to Libya once a month, no Libya at all and the logistics of if we don't move overseas we need to move here, we just don't have enough room-so where to go, stay in Pennsylvania, go to Virginia (where Hubby's work is) or to any other state the company would like? You get my point.

It's a blessing to have so many options, but extremely frustrating to have no idea which end is up.

I prayed day and night for direction, eventually getting weary and almost embittered. I told God I was willing to do whatever he wanted, just please tell me what He wanted! But was I really willing?

Sometimes God just wants us to wait patiently while all the pieces of His plan come together. I'm not good at waiting. Wait was not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to do!

Since I wasn't getting an answer from God (or so I thought) I decided to start things moving on my end, I prayed that if I was going the wrong direction that He would "slam the door'. Since it looked like this Libya thing wasn't going to pan out I decided to be prepared for moving locally.

I searched for houses and was pleasantly surprised to find a house I've had my eye on for two years on the market-within our price range. I then called my preferred mortgage company to get pre-approved. All was going well.

Then I talked to my mom about my frustrating predicament. I don't remember exactly what she said-because I didn't want to hear it, but I remember the theme being 'wait'. I ignored that bit of wisdom and continued to pine, pray and struggle. That night, with our 3AM prayer, my husband prayed that God would give us the strength to wait on Him.

The next morning, I felt wait was probably my answer...but still wasn't ready to accept it. I then found out my mortgage representative went to Ireland and I couldn't get any answers from him. And the house I had my eye on was no longer listed, gone that day.

Then the most extraordinary thing happened. I had grown frustrated and tweeted about needing a Big Blinking Neon Sign from God since I wasn't hearing Him. And you know what? I got it. The very next day.

After running errands with Bram, who is three, I told him it was time to go home. He said "No home, go drive." He has never requested this before. Ever. So I decided to go on a long winding road, hoping he'd take a nap, and drive by another house for sale I thought I might like.

I turned down the road and guess what I saw? That's right. A big, blinking sign with neon reflectors stating ROAD CLOSED. As I turned my van around to turn back the way I came I began to cry. Why? Because they weren't just working on a road, they were rebuilding a bridge.

I heard Him that time. I realized that He had been talking to me, just not giving me the answers I wanted. I wanted to go, but was to wait.

When asking God a question, He can answer us three ways; 'yes', 'no' and 'not now'. In this instant gratification culture, 'not now' can be more difficult to accept than 'no' because we are forced to wait rather than rushing on to Plan B.

We can make all the plans we want, but there is only one right way, and that's His way.

Psalms 37:34 "Wait for the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it."

School Photos, Homeschool Style!

It's School Photo week at the Not Back To School Blog Hop! So post those photos and join in! My boys did not want to cooperate, but once I threatened bodily harm, I got these gems:

Tony, 14, 9th Grade

Fox, 14, 9th Grade

Billy, 13, 7th Grade

Bram, 3, Preschool

Thanks for stopping by, be sure to leave a comment telling me how cute my boys are :) For those of you who are new to my blog, welcome! I'm Cheryl and I homeschool the four boys above. I call them 'my boys' because I love them all dearly. But to get technical, Fox and Bram are my sons and have been homeschooled since the beginning. Tony and Billy are my little brothers-in-law. They recently moved in with us and this will be their first year ever of homeschool! We are all really excited to begin the new, full, school year.

Weekly Wrap Up : The Getting on the School Schedule Edition

There isn't a lot to report this week. We've not yet begun school because I'm waiting to hear if and when we're moving. I was hoping to avoid starting school then stopping to move, however that may be unavoidable. But it is what it is.

We'll start late this year, probably the third week of September. I'm also heavily flirting with the idea schooling year round this time. It's something I've always wanted to do, but have been afraid to try.

This week was all about training ourselves to get up earlier, so that when we begin there won't be such a difficult adjustment. I've been getting up at 6AM, and the three big boys around 7AM. I worry about finding that balance between having enough sleep and enough time to get morning chores done before school. What time do you and your kids get up in the morning?

Everyone did really well. Except for Fox. He went to his Great Grandparent's house Wednesday-Friday. Grammy spoils him and let him have coffee at 6PM (because he wanted it) so he was up until 3AM buzzing on caffeine, watching cartoon network. I wanted to be mad at him, but it was such a knuckle head thing to do, I had to laugh.

Next week we will be focusing on waking up early and getting our chores done in a timely manner. The goal is to get a good routine going so we'll be ready to start school at 9AM.

That's about it. How was your week? Tell us and link up at the Weekly Wrap Up over at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers.

PS - In case you missed it, I'm organizing a Homeschool Moms' Pen Pal Group! Check it out!

Fruitful Thursdays : Love is a 3AM Prayer

Welcome back to Fruitful Thursdays, a series in which I explore the fruits of spirit, share my struggles in living by them and explain what they mean to me. This month is all about the first fruit of the spirit, love.

Last week I studied what the Bible has to say about love. I had an epiphany in which I realized love, all by itself, encapsulates all the fruits of the spirit. In her comment on that post, Suanna summed it up beautifully with Colossians 3:14 which says:

"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Isn't that perfect? Thanks Suanna! This week I was going to post on different ways I should demonstrate love in my life, but in the wee hours of Tuesday morning I had another epiphany, an experience that showed me what love really is. And my friends, love is a 3AM prayer.

My husband and I have been wrestling with making some important decisions. I won't bore you with the details now because this is not about us, it's about Him. But I will tell you they are of the "what's next, what road should we take, what direction should we go as a family" variety. We don't know what's best, go here, go there, hurry, wait, stay...we just don't know.

And while it would be very easy to do what we want, we've made the decision to seek God's will and do what He wants us to do. The trouble is, we don't know what He wants. We've prayed, and listened, but aren't hearing and now we're growing weary.

So this found us both awake, tossing and turning from 1AM on. We didn't speak, we each stayed on our own sides of the bed, each lost in our own little world of thought, prayer and worry. Until finally around 3AM we both turned to face each other.

We took each others' hands and I asked my husband to pray.

It was a beautiful moment and I feel I received my answer (I'll share more about that on Tuesday). But what made it so beautiful was not only the connection and love I felt for and from my husband, it was beautiful because of the connection and love I felt for and from my God.

He was there, in the dark room at 3AM when I felt so alone and confused. He cared that I was confused, he cared that I was weary, he cared that I was tired of praying and asking for answers.

He was there. Who else will ALWAYS be there for you at 3AM? When there is no one else, He will be there. When there is no one to talk to, He will listen. When no one cares, He will comfort. That, my friends, is love.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deuteronomy 7:9