That Pull Again...

I know I've blogged about this before-but tonight I'm feeling that pull again, the pull to do more. That piercing feeling that I'm not doing enough. It took me by surprise because all day I've been plagued by a serious case of the IWANTS.

I want a clean house...

I want a bigger house...

I want another child...

I want twin daughters...

I want new curtains...

And on and on with dizzying selfishness until at last I sat down for the evening. For whatever reason (my money is on God) as I was sitting I recalled something I saw on the news last week, I think it was something about a man wanted for rape and murder.

Mostly I remembered the anger and disgust I had felt for this man and all the ill will I silently wished upon him.

Then something clicked.

I pictured this man as a young boy. I imagined the pain and desperation that he most likely experienced as a child, helping to shape him into the violent young man he is today. And I pitied him, not the man but the boy.

Today's criminal is yesterdays abused child, yesterday's neglected child.

Tomorrow's criminal is today's abused child, today's neglected child.

It's a vicious cycle.

And I want to do what I can to change it. Do you ever get an overwhelming urge to pack it all up, sell the house and go? To the mission fields. To Africa. To the American ghettos.

I do.

I pray one day I get to do just that. Please Father let me make a difference. But until that day comes I'm trying to look at my home, my neighborhood, my town as my mission field.

What do you do when you get the urge to do more?