In case you missed it, this is a continuation of When You've Been Hurt By The Church, Part 1.I felt, and still feel, that conversation was carried out with very little compassion, tact or class. I had so many combative thoughts and emotions after I hung up the phone. I didn't know what to make of that conversation, or my situation. A few things that flew through my head:
Shame - I'm not good enough for the church, the loving, forgiving body of Christ can't forgive me and is ashamed to have me stand before them.
Anger- That was so rude!
More Anger- Is my baby not worthy of God's blessing because of my decisions?
Confusion- Will God reject my baby too?
Sadness- Did I just deny my baby God's blessing because of my own pride?
Righteous Anger- He is not displaying Christ to me, how dare he stand in judgement!
I called Shane and relayed the information, he felt I made the right decision. I was glad for that but I was still hurt and angry and, truth be told, I was angry for a very long time. I felt that it wasn't just me who was rejected, it was my son too, for reasons he couldn't control, and it brought out the mama bear in me.
Even though this was a very small hurt in the scheme of life, it was enough to shake the spiritual foundation of a naive teenager.
Though I always prayed and did my best to trust God, this experience completely turned me off to organized religion. You know the term "once bitten, twice shy"? -- That was me. I actively avoided the church, especially that church, for many years. But with time my heart healed and I am happy to say that I was eventually able to learn from the situation. I learned that:
- No on person should ever be viewed as sole representative of the church body.
- No one is perfect, not even pastors.
- Some leaders are more worried about the church image than doing God's work.
- There are consequences to actions.
- No child should ever be punished for their parents' transgressions.
- A relationship with the church is like any other relationship, there are highs and lows.
- Not every relationship is meant to last forever, if you are unhappy with you church seek out a new one.
- If you feel you are being treated poorly, it's okay to speak up.
I am happy to say that my family and I have found a lovely Presbyterian church we adore (although we do not attend as often as we should). Also, I am able to visit the "offending church" without anger or remorse. I have let it go.
To anyone who has been hurt by the church let me say I am sorry, that is not the way it should be. Churches should be safe havens in which we work to become better as a whole to God's glory. Do not be afraid to speak out (in kindness) and do not be afraid to move on. Just please don't give up.
What you learned is very wise insight. If the time is ever right for me to write about this topic, I will give a shout out to this article -- speaking of which, I did link your Part 1 for this in one of my blog posts this week. Great posts.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully expressed. I completely agree with you on your points - especially the first one: "no one person should ever be viewed as sole representative of the church body."
ReplyDeleteI was born and raised a pastor's kid and I have felt the burn from "The Church" body on many occasions. Satan has tried his darndest to make me think of the sting as FROM GOD instead of from plain old flawed people.
Anyhow, thanks for sharing all this. I really admire your courage to speak out.
Great posts, and I mean that in the sense that they're very relatable. I was a pastor's kid and have gotten hurt many a time by the church. I agree you either have to speak up or move on. I've definitely learned those lessons before!
ReplyDeleteI just love reading both of your posts about being hurt by the church. I have been through so much when it comes to organized religion that we just decided to leave it altogether and no attend a non denominational church. Organized religions to me just seem like political organizations and after all my searching, praying and "needing" to have a religion I realized that we as believers ARE the religion. God Bless and thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear this had a happy ending.
ReplyDeleteWhile the church is important because we are created for fellowship, and we need fellowship, the ultimate relationship is with the Lord.
It peeves me when overly righteous and legalist interpreters of God's Word distort the message and give the church a bad name but I guess it is a bit inevitable considering we are all human.
Love your story and I especially love that you and Shane made it work for all these years. What a great testimony!
"Churches should be safe havens in which we work to become better as a whole to God's glory. Do not be afraid to speak out (in kindness) and do not be afraid to move on. Just please don't give up."
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Thank you for doing this two-part series. I, too, have been hurt by the church. It's a very difficult hurt to overcome, but thankfully, it's not impossible. I'm thankful for God's healing touch!
~Jennifer
I can so imagine your mixed emotions you did have right after the conversation and that you needed time to process it all! It's great you eventually were able to see it as life lessons though. I love learning in and through life so I know this can be very fulfilling. It's great too that you found a new safe haven. But I guess you learned your lesson and won't get hurt so easily by church anymore either...
ReplyDeleteThanks again for sharing!
I am going through this right now....We have 5 adopted little girls from China and our Pastor is very openly prejudice. I am hurt. We live in a very small town with very few church choices, so moving on isn't really an option either. I grew up in church and since we had a recent conversation with our Pastor, I have not been able to go back. Not the message I want to send to my precious God given girls but I am confused as to what to do. I have lost all respect for this man and can't sit under his leadership at this time. But I love the church and the people in it. The people in the church are aware of the problem but no one wants to step out and do anything about it. Being prejudice has never been an issue in the church before our family. Sorry to ramble on...I'm still hurting.
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