When You've Been Hurt By The Church, Part 1

This is Part One of a two part series. Come back Friday to see the conclusion , including what I've learned from this experience!

I've mentioned in the past that I have a love/hate relationship with organized religion. A big, ol' heart-of-God church can be such a blessing; but when you've been hurt by the church, it can take a long time to heal.

I personally feel that you don't need a church to be Christian or to learn the word of the Lord. God loves you just as much sitting at your kitchen table as he does when you're sitting in a pew. You can study the Bible independently and learn the way to walk.

But, it helps immensely to surround yourself with like-minded people, knowledgeable people and support. You want to be around those who will encourage your walk and fuel your desire to learn. A loving, supporting church body can be a beautiful thing. And I encourage you to seek one out.

I say all this so you know I'm not here to bash the church. I have found a wonderful church I adore. I simply want to share my story because I was once hurt by the church.

I wasn't hurt badly. I know that there are those out there who have had horrid things happen to them in church, a place that should be safe. But I had an experience that shook my confidence in "the body of Christ". One that made me question where I fit and if anyone is ever who they seem to be, who I perceive them to be. I was left wondering if "the church" could ever really be there for those in need.

I was a teenage mother. An unwed teenage mother. I was 16 when my now husband and I found out I was pregnant with our first son, Fox and 17 when we had him. I was overwhelmed, confused and unsure how to take on such a huge responsibility.

But I knew two things: I was keeping the baby, and I was going to get right with God.

You see, I was a "good girl". I didn't curse or do drugs or sleep around. I went to high school, worked part time and went to church regularly with my family-twice a week to be exact. I was active in the youth group and even attended Christian camps.

But still, I found myself pregnant at 16. For the most part, I was incredibly blessed. I had a man willing to stand beside me and a family that, while disappointed, loved me. Overall the church was quite supportive, my mother's church friends especially and the youth leaders rallied around me. I will be forever grateful for their support.

Ironically, when I was hurt by the church, I wasn't in the church. I was in my home. On the phone.

I grew up Southern Baptist where baptism is saved for when an individual is old enough to give their heart to the Lord of their own volition. Instead of christenings, they did baby dedications in my church. This was simply a special part of the church service where parents bring their children to the front, take an oath to raise the child according to God's instructions (thus admitting that the children are not ours but God's) and a prayer of blessing is said over the children.

I discussed this with Shane and signed us up for the dedication. A few days later I received a call from the pastor that (though I don't remember it word for word) went like this:

Pastor: I see you've signed up for the baby dedication.

Me: Yes, I did. (very excited waiting for my pat on the back for coming back to God)

Pastor: And will Shane be attending?

Me: Yes, he will. (waiting for a double pat on the back now)

Pastor: Well I'm afraid that won't be possible.

Me: (Silence and confusion)

Pastor: Since you two aren't married I don't think that will be appropriate, not the message we want to send.

Me: Oh. (Crushed, hoping I don't cry)

Pastor: You can attend with Fox but not you and Shane together.

Me: Oh...well...

Pastor: I hope you understand, I don't want you to feel bad.

Me: Sure, I don't want you to feel bad either. (I had a problem with people pleasing back then)

Pastor: (Silence)

Me: For having to make that decision, that is...

Pastor: (More Silence)

Me: (Feeling a white rage now that he doesn't feel bad) If the father can't be there too then I won't be participating.

Pastor: Okay.

Me: (Furious and sad all at once) Thanks for calling, bye.

Come back Friday for the conclusion.