*Again, my standard disclaimer that this series is for those in loving, committed relationships that seek to honor God's blueprint for marriage. This is NOT intended for those in abusive or unequally yoked relationships.
Welcome to the third and final installment of my series on submission. In part one we found out why we should submit to our husbands; in part two we discussed preparing our hearts for submission; today I will share tips and tricks that help me in my unending quest toward becoming a submissive, Proverbs 31 woman.
Pray
This is without doubt the most important thing you can do. If you ask, He will help you. But it won't always be easy; God often teaches us lessons in our struggles. What should you pray for?
- Your husband! Ask God to grant him the wisdom and fortitude to lead your family along His path. Pray for the Lord to draw close to your man.
- Patience. If you're naturally stubborn, combative and controlling (I'm all three) ask God to grant you extra reserves of patience as you strive to be the wife He wants you to be,
- Forgiveness, for those times when you fall short of expectations.
- A forgiving heart, for those times when your husband falls short of expectations.
Read
- The Bible. Read and reread why you are striving to be a submissive wife. Familiarize yourself with Ephesians 5:21-33 and Proverbs 31:10-31. Meditate on these verses and bring them to the front of your mind in difficult situations.
- More Bible. Another simple verse that helps me is Galatians 5:22, the fruits of the spirit. I will recite this to myself when I am stressed or overwhelmed or even sing it when I'm happy. I have fond memories of singing the Fruit of the Spirit song in youth group, too funny.
- The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. This is an eye opening, biblically based book that demonstrates how powerful prayer can be. It shows that we wives have power to lead our relationships even though we are not 'leading'. And that power lies in prayer.
Change Your Words
I found that demonstrating a heart of submission through words helped immensely. Some may say this is assuaging your husband's ego; I don't agree. Just as women feel the need to be heard and understood, men feel the need to be respected and trusted. Make sure your words communicate that trust and respect. Instead of saying things like "That won't work" or "I told you so!" try :
- I don't agree, but I trust you.
- I don't think so, but I'll follow your advice (decision, lead, etc.).
- If you think that's the right thing to do then we'll do it.
- It didn't work but you made the best decision you could, chalk it up to a learning experience.
- At least we learned what to do next time.
Relax
Chances are you will see that it's usually not the end of the world if your husband decides to switch careers, buy a used car even if you don't agree with it. Things won't always come out roses; your husband won't always make the right decision, but the productive relationship you foster will be priceless. Good will come of it.
Linked To:
Wifey Wednesdays at To Love Honor and Vacuum
One of the phrases I utter most around here is "you're the boss!". It's only a little funny now. It used to be hilarious, because he didn't believe I meant it. Submission is a long, hard, learning process.
ReplyDeletePower of a Praying Wife is an awesome book! Those are great tips, Cheryl!!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog, and I'm really enjoying your posts. I love that song about the fruit of the Spirit! I'm going to learn it and teach it to my son! Wow, I think that song is going to be in my head all day now!
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through the 'somewhat crunchy' part and am a little taken aback by this post and its predecessors. My spouse and I have a relationship that is founded on consensus rather than submission, and we both enjoy having the space to disagree respectfully and either compromise (on the important things) or act as individuals (on the small stuff). Neither of us identifies strongly with our respective genders, so I suppose we're more partners than husband/wife. We both need to be listened to, respected, trusted.
ReplyDeleteI suppose what I'm most curious about (from a secularist perspective, of course) is why submitting should be more beneficial for anyone than equality. Hasn't female submission in the Islamic world produced rather restricted lives for women?
Great questions. To be clear, let me reiterate a few points: 1) I'm not talking about following a domineering, controlling person 2) According to God's plan the husband is to love his wife and strive to please her 3) When talking about submission we are talking about trust and respect.
ReplyDeleteSubmission does not mean blindly following my husband's whim. We discuss, we respectfully disagree, we compromise. But life is not always that simple and there are times when even a compromise isn't desirable and I have to step out in faith, agree to disagree and trust my husband. In those times my husband listens to my opinions, takes my feelings into account and makes the best decision he can for our family.
Sometimes you just can't act individually. Especially if kids are involved, and they are here. The kids will sometimes (even subconsciously) play the two parties against each other. Even with little things.
To more specifically answer your questions; 1) Not every situation lends itself to perfect equality-that's why there is such a thing as compromise. And really, according to God's plan submission really is just compromising, but it's the man who is expected to lead (taking the wife's desires into consideration and striving to please her) and the wife submitting to her husband (by happily trying the compromise he suggests). 2) I think that statement is rather restrictive if not offensive. There are plenty of Muslim women that enjoy lives of freedom-which media has generally chosen to ignore in their portrayal since 9/11. But yes, in (fanatic) Muslim families there are women whose lives are made unbearable in the name of submission. You will find the same thing in Christians ans atheists and every other religion too. But that goes back to my point in the first post in that I'm not talking about abusive relationships (that type of relationship is abusive no matter the religion behind it). I'm talking about the plan God laid out for marriage in which a wife submits to her husband and a husbands cares for and tries to please his wife.