In addition to the socialization issue, another homeschool assumption that gives me pause is the thought that protecting our children from bullies is a bad thing. That somehow, not allowing our children to be subjected to abuse will cripple them in adulthood. I think not.
To adults of that mindset I would like to ask:
If your child was circled in shark infested waters, would you scoop him out? Or would you, from the safety of your boat, encourage him to be unafraid and keep treading water? Would you watch and hope that he makes it out alive, or at least with all his limbs intact?
Again, I think not.
I've been thinking a lot about this topic since this news story broke. A 14 year old boy was lured to the home of his bullies under the guise of a truce. There the bully and three others threatened to beat the child unless he allowed the bullies to tattoo him. In order to get home safely the boy allowed them to tattoo vulgar images and words on his arms.
And he told no one. He told no one. That breaks my heart. He told no one out of fear and shame. It was only brought to the boy's parents' attention after a teacher overheard it being joked about in the school halls.
My heart breaks.
If I have any advice for those parents it would be to remove him from public school. Now. No matter the financial cost. Give him a chance to grow up in safety, security and confidence.
And to those who would say removing him is not the answer, let me say this:
Removing a child from a dangerous and emotionally degrading situation is not copping out, it is not giving up. It is allowing the child a chance to grow up in an environment where they feel safe and can develop self confidence.
Allowing a child to stay in a situation where they are continually berated and mentally or physically beaten down does not develop character. It teaches them that they do not have the right to protect themselves. It teaches them that they do not have the right to be treated well.
As an adult, would you stay at a job where your employer beat you? I imagine that unless you had no other choice, you would quit.
So why do we think our kids need to stick it out?
Again I ask, if your child was circled in shark infested waters would you scoop him out?
This is an important issue..I wrote recently about my 12 year old's request to be homeschooled because of the bullying at his middle school. I immediately went and talked to the school and when I didn't receive the response I wanted, I enrolled him in another school in our district that has a zero tolerance policy for bullying. If it doesn't improve next year, I will take him out and homeschool him.
ReplyDeleteParents need to protect their children and other parents need to wake up and realize that their "good, Christian kids" are being mean and cruel to others at school to make themselves feel good.
Thanks for shedding light on this issue!
My husband & I both felt so awful for this boy. He just wanted to be left alone & liked. And instead he was bullied & humiliated. I agree, if a child (no matter the age) is being treated like this then remove him/her & have the bullies held responsible. No one would stay in a job treated this way, instead they'd leave & file a harassment (and in this case also an assault) charge.
ReplyDeleteHA!
ReplyDeleteWe began homeschooling due to a bully issue. The principal did nothing about it.
I sooooo agree with you. I was horrified to find out that my great-niece was being bullied at school, but that was nothing compared to the consensus of my family regarding the issue. "That's just something that kids need to learn to deal with," was the general reply. I was angrier with my family than I was at the bullies. No, they don't have to learn to deal with being abused... that's one of the reasons they have parents.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for the boy. I don't even know him... My son is 13 1/2.
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting me know about the "blog in draft" thing. I totally changed my blogs and made my own headers. I'm not totally done but they are better.
Please come see!
www.homeward4.blogspot.com
www.homeschoolercafe.blogspot.com
Janet
"two thumbs up" great post. that poor child, how horrific!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post and I agree! I feel so bad to see children bullied and a lot of the time no one will stand up for them. I think it's great when a parent makes a bold move to stand up for their child in a really life changing way the child can see.
ReplyDeleteI so agree. I can't tell you how many news stories I've seen lately about kids who have committed suicide due to bullying...and the parents knew about the bullying and had talked to administration, but nothing had been done.
ReplyDeleteEvery family may not be able to offer homeschooling as an option, for whatever reason, but there are always other schools that the kids could be moved to. I remember a specific instance of a kid in my school being pulled out and put in another school because of bullying. I still think that's the smartest thing his parents ever did.
I can't imagine knowingly sending my kid into a situation like that every day. So sad.
What a great post!
ReplyDeleteI started HS my 12 yr old this year and now she's being pressured to go back to PS by all of her friends.
Maybe if more people tried to STOP bullying in the school years instead of making kids "deal with it", there would be less domestic violence, road rage and serial killers in the adult world.
We are starting to homeschool this school year and one of the issues that made me start it was bullying. We had issues last year and it improved a little just to start up again and I'm fed up with it. I want my children to be children and enjoy their childhood without fear of other kids trying to beat them up.
ReplyDeleteGreat point. We have found for our family that Homeschool is the best choice.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. I absolutely agree.
ReplyDeleteBullying has not been an issue for our family because we have homeschooled from the beginning. However, I have seen far too many people carrying baggage that they picked up in middle school.
ReplyDeleteWhen we started homeschooling, my mother was concerned about socialization and if our kids would be able to survive the adult world? I told her then that if they could make it through middle school with self-esteem or better yet God-esteem in tack, they would be far better able to survive in the adult world.
This was our issue too! Not only was it by the kids in school but a couple of teachers that didn't mesh well with my middle schooler.
ReplyDeleteI had homeschooled her when she was kindergarten and first grade and put her back in school when I became overwhelmed with having more children. My tune changed when the bullying started.
That was 4 years ago and things are just now starting to turn around and become positive.
As a former victim of bullying, thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteHaving read the article to which you linked, I would like to say that I am dismayed that the bullies in question were not also charged with sexual assault, given the content, location, and forced public display of the tattoos. It should also be noted that the charges should take into consideration the discrimminatory nature of the bullying, as the boy was targeted in part due to his ADHD.
Having worked with spec ed kids, been in the public system, known so many other victims of bullying, and known so many teachers who really didn't care, my son (and any other children I have) will never set foot in a public school classroom.
"Maybe if more people tried to STOP bullying in the school years instead of making kids "deal with it", there would be less domestic violence, road rage and serial killers in the adult world." (Carolee Sperry)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! And maybe it would be less difficult to convince victims that they don't deserve to be treated like that! How can we wonder at "battered wife syndrome" when we actively cultivate it in our children?